Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Gettin' the Willies on Halloween

I'd been putting off seeing the new "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" movie for months, due in part to the creepy-Michael Jackson vibe I got from Johnny Depp in the preview. But being that it was Halloween, and this is rapidly shaping up to be Johnny Deep Theme Week, I gave in and hit the late show. Rather than grossing me out, Depp's Wonka had me rolling at his absurd, pseudo-hipster lingo. He had quite the flair for comedic timing, like Jim Carrey with a leash. It was weird seeing the film in Japan, considering the OompaLoompa subtext. I won't be so uncharitable as to make height comparisons, but I found similarities in terms of fondness for uniforms, group exercise and para-para dance moves. Plus the strong work ethic. Yet, notice how only the boss got to break through the glass ceiling.

Best of all, the film is interactive.
Quoth Muffin:
"For each mention of the word "chocolate," in a movie
about a goddamned chocolate factory, we ate a
bite-sized chocolate bar. it's a like a drinking game
except the puke is a different color and you won't be
able to fall asleep for 3 days, as opposed to passing
out on the spot.

so now i ask of you, my sweet-toothed friends, my
super competitive arch nemesises to bring this
generation-defining challenge upon yourselves.

the entice you even further to join in on this slighly
dangerous jolt to your central nervous system, the
added benefits were a late night creative period where
i did some of my best work with wonka's river of
chocolate coursing through my veins. first, a haiku:

twitch. look, an oompa loompa.
maybe you should drive."

Now Steve:
"So yes, as Katherine already told you, I have come up with the idea
for the Charlie and the Choco Challenge. All you have to do is go
see the movie, and everytime someone says the word chocolate, you
eat a piece of chocolate. Simple, right?

Some bits of advice:

1) Don't jump the gun! It takes surprisingly long for this movie to
say the word chocolate, but when it does, oh man... Remember, this
isn't a sprint, it's a marathon!
2) Have some bite size choco ready. Sometimes the word chocolate
comes up about 10 times in a minute. You've gotta be on that!
won't hit you until about 2:30pm the next day.

For the record, I was not able to complete this crazy challenge
myself. I gave up with only about 15 minutes to go, but it was
probably for the best. We had Snickers, Nestle Crunch, Kit Kat,
Choco Almonds, and Peanut M&Ms. When I close my eyes, all I see is a
big chocolate waterfall...

For those of you who don't care for chocolate, here are some other
versions of this challenge that you can try:

1) Whenever people say the word candy, eat some candy.
2) Whenever the fat German boy says or does anything, laugh.
3) Whenever Willy Wonka says "let's move on", consume an
entire "Fuji Combo" in less than 30 seconds.
4) Whenever the Umpa Loompas dance, do your best to imitate them in
the aisle."

On the turntable: Sonic Youth, "Goo"
On the nightable: Douglas C. Haring, "Okinawan Customs, Yesterday and Today" (Guess where I'm going...)


Anonymous said...

Stop whinging, wrong 'em boyo!

Christmas party . . . Dec. 10. The (un)usual place. "Walk Like and Egyptian" and "Dream Police" are must dos. You have an excuse not to dress like . . . you did . . . at the Hollow Weenie Party. Dressing like Santa will get you laid every time, especially with the young ones. (Oh! That's sick, she said, as she smacked him on his bald head. He explains, Not THAT young, Neil Young. Kneel Dung.)

Anonymous said...

And Roberto iza right. He iza Valdes.

Exxon Alaska

By the by, way way. Who tell you dese tings about me, Mr. India. I tell you only I know what you say. Give me break, boy. You come here and die early in street. We tolerate not the American who breathes only clean air and can walk without ten hundred bodies around walking and bumping into him, especially blind man begging for money and food. Is this funny, white boy? Ray Charles is a great man. Now he is in his grave. But if they burn him like we do here, he would not be in his grave. Do you understand my meaning? Things are not the same in every place. Like your mouth and a girl's vagina. They are different places but can be in the same place. Ray Charles knows this without seeing. Why do you not? You are blind with eyes, and cannot hear with ears and cannot smell with your tongue but can you taste with your fingers. A guru told me this and my eyes opened and I saw a fat lady selling fruit at the stand. She speaks perfect Urdu. I wish your mouth and her vagina in the same place. Curse to you. But I don't mean it because I am loving and I love human being and I love you as my brother. See you soon or late.